Saturday, April 27
The concept of being out of the house all day every day was quite new for me. This wasn't me accommodating the boys schedule or running errands & that caught me off guard at first. I've grown to enjoy this change. I like having structure as well as routine which my program gives me. It is quite similar to a routine work day, something I look forward to although I'm still nervous & uncertain about. Given time I'm sure I will be ready.
The first few days of the program were a huge adjustment. I had the schedule set but had no idea how my classroom was running or how much time outside of class would be consumed. Currently the schedule is not over taxing. This is fabulous but could easily change. I've completed a presentation on lymphocyte maturation that included a PowerPoint, something I haven't made in years. I am proud to say it went very well. The hardest part was presenting it in front of the class. I'm not good at public speaking and I'm certain that was made very clear. By the end of week 3 we were already drawing on fellow students. We had spent a few days drawing on a fake arm so I felt capable of drawing just nervous about actually performing the procedure on an actual person. Someone who feels pain or has difficult to find veins. My first live draw ended up being a butterfly in the hand. My patient had very difficult veins. We were required to do 2 draws, both of my draws were successful. As for being drawn on...that was much easier than I had anticipated. As one of my arms seemed a bit difficult I became the challenge and ended up with 3 draws that day with 4 pokes. The following day I offered up my remaining hand to a struggling student. I've been told it takes over 200 draws to get a phlebotomy routine but I am determined to have one before that. Seeing as how phlebotomy will be part of my clinical rotations I would like to have some good procedure habits before then.
The neat thing about lab is that after offering up ones appendages for fellow students to draw, we are then able to test our own blood. That's really cool. I've done a hematocrit reading, sed rate & slides. This upcoming week will will do fresh draws for more testing.
Friday, November 16
Tuesday was Metalman's & my first anniversary. The day was amazing! I had no idea how to originally go about celebrating this event or what Metalman's thoughts would be but thankfully everything just came together. His enthusiasm made mine overflow. Being woken up at 4 AM by the words "Happy Anniversary Baby" is indescribable! We were both extremely happy to be reflecting on the wonderful relationship we have & the love we share for each other.
As always the thought of a year is almost unbelievable, the clock moves faster than the mind I guess. I am looking forward to the many years ahead for us. He is a fantastic companion I can share my thoughts, feelings, emotions, ups & downs but more than anything we share an amazing love & understanding. I can not show nor tell Metalman how much he means to me. I can only be thankful he seems to get it & me.
We enjoyed the evening together, had a Mexican dinner where he opened the engraved clock I got for him. I decided to go the modern route for a gift as Metalman loves clocks & "our love is timeless" seemed rather fitting. He gave me a beautiful bouquet of red roses!
It is somewhat perplexing to think that at almost 32 I am celebrating a first but I couldn't be happier. These firsts are exciting & enjoyable & I am ever grateful for my Metalman & that butterfly feeling he continues to give me. XOXO
Wednesday, September 12
Its been a year since the papers came in the post declaring my divorce. That was a good day for me. It was the day I became a civilian, an individual. It was the day I officially became a single mum & not just regularly practiced the roll because of deployments or an uninvolved father. It was the day I began my new adventure creating a life for my boys & myself.
Over the past year I have made some very good progress on the path I am now traveling. The boys & I moved "home" where we could be close to family. To Q-tip family has always been who we visited on holiday but now they are a part of our daily lives. Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles & cousins are people we see regularly not just in photos or on the computer. The boys have done well with the school transition and although Q-tip has had some difficulties they are, for him, nothing out of the norm. Animal continues to amaze me with his abilities and progress. Together they are very happy and healthy little boys. I personally have finished all my pre-requisites for my lab tech program and am on schedule to start this Spring. I will be starting Pre-Calculus in just over a week to fill my time and check another class off my program list.
I have a very strict budget that has allowed us to still have fun and enjoy our new surroundings. A current favorite for all is biking. Last weekend we loaded up the bikes and headed to the Puyallup river trail. This was Animals first ride without training wheels so he spent the hour getting accustomed to the weight of his bike and mastering his balance. I am very certain he will be zooming by us training wheel free in no time at all.
I am determined to make positive changes in my life and to learn from my past. I find it very interesting to see the direction J has taken over the past year. We have definitely set different goals for our futures, his includes another lil person next May. I personally could not make such a decision but to each their own. I have decided to take a much slower progression in my relationship with Metalman. I want nothing more than to enjoy our time together and learn to combine our lives slowly. I come with two little boys that have thoughts and feelings. They need time to adjust to another person in our lives, as well as Metalman who has to get accustomed to us. I have no doubt this is a good thing. I am confident in taking things more slowly. We are all growing together into a much calmer, healthier and happier life.
Sadly over the past year I have gained back the weight I lost in Las Vegas so I am starting that journey anew. No worries, I realize I have been through a lot the past year and am not going to beat myself up over it. I am currently walking daily after I take the boys to school. Js little sister is my workout buddy Monday through Thursday and Metalman on Fridays. I am going slow initially and enjoying the nice weather we are still having because I know that when the weather changes I can push myself in the gym. I also want to help my buddies without discouraging them or pushing them so that they no longer want to join me. I haven't had workout buddies for a long time and rather enjoy the company.
So, one year down and many more to come filled with progress, happiness and amazing memories. Life IS good!
Wednesday, September 5
As I was talking to Animal this morning it dawned on me that today was September 5th. For most this day has little to no significance, but for 11 years this day was considered my "wedding anniversary". That realization sent my head into an instant flashback of the events that took place on this day last year. The stress of going through 18 years of photos and memories that had been accumulated and stored. Js demand for a "finalversary" dinner where he stated the reality of our pending divorce finally hit him. The fact that my childrens current step-mum was at that point simply "the babysitter". Someone I would have never thought would be in the position she currently is, holding the title she now does. Funny is all I can think to say. Although I'm certain that is much to simple of a word to describe the whole situation.
I am amazed with the amount of changes the boys and I have encountered this past year only to be so much stronger and happier. Yes, I honestly think that the boys are stronger and even happier. They may miss their father at times but after the summer they had I am quite certain they are without a doubt stronger little boys. And maybe even more understanding of the changes I/we have made. Even better, why I made them. I am very thankful for the understanding and support my two little men have given and shown me over the past year. They are amazing!
I can not thank the friends and family that have stood behind me and supported me enough. I am forever grateful. My strength has wavered at times, although my determination definitely not, but my strength yes. And I am so thankful for those that know me enough to know that I was and am condifident in the life I now live. I am going to school, reaching my goals. I am raising my boys in a loving, stable, structured, stress free home. Surrounded by family and friends that love them unconditionally. I am in a relationship that does not include fear, control, intimidation or denying ones own self expressions and desires. Its extremely liberating! I feel so empowered.
I've had people comment on my strength recently but honestly I think I was always strong I just had my eyes set on the wrong goals. I needed to focus on goals that I could reach myself. It is impossible to reach a goal set with others when they have already abandoned the mission. When I came to this realization I had to reevaluate my life and head in a new direction or in my case return to abandoned dreams and try again. Thankfully the only thing lost was time. Full force ahead!
Tuesday, August 14
This weekend Metalman set up the hammock and I think that is my new favorite spot to lay with him. Its been really warm the past few weeks and is only suppose to spike towards the weekend. The second time this summer it will be in the 90s! The hammock is the best place to snuggle with the heat. Even S'mores is all for it. Grilling is also perfect on hot summer days...Metalman picked up a charcoal grill recently and we grilled all last week. I personally gravitate toward gas but thought that the portability of a small charcoal grill would be beneficial. There may be a slight learning curve to using charcoal but we have made some very awesome burgers and brauts. Steak, well like I said, there's a learning curve. And honestly I have NEVER been good at grilling steak. I found my new favorite potato salad recipe too, Cajun potato salad. It is delicious! Metalman is also a huge fan. WIN!
I signed up for my fall class, pre-cal, yesterday and am really excited to get back to school. This will be the last class I have to complete before starting my medical lab tech program in the spring. I'm so ready to check another class off my list and get one step closer to my goal. My education goals are within reach! I am very amazed at how things have come together. How at one point in my life I never thought I would have a career. I settled into accepting that it was only a dream but now the dream is new and fresh and ACHIEVABLE. What am I saying, its not even a dream anymore but where I am headed. I'm extremely excited about that.
There have been a few changes put into progress recently that I am even more excited about. Things I have wished for but never honestly saw occurring. Now I can say that I see them happening. With a 1 year plan in place and a 4 year plan I see big changes in the future. Good changes! Vague is all I can give but know that they are some of the best changes yet. I am happy!