As I was talking to Animal this morning it dawned on me that today was September 5th. For most this day has little to no significance, but for 11 years this day was considered my "wedding anniversary". That realization sent my head into an instant flashback of the events that took place on this day last year. The stress of going through 18 years of photos and memories that had been accumulated and stored. Js demand for a "finalversary" dinner where he stated the reality of our pending divorce finally hit him. The fact that my childrens current step-mum was at that point simply "the babysitter". Someone I would have never thought would be in the position she currently is, holding the title she now does. Funny is all I can think to say. Although I'm certain that is much to simple of a word to describe the whole situation.
I am amazed with the amount of changes the boys and I have encountered this past year only to be so much stronger and happier. Yes, I honestly think that the boys are stronger and even happier. They may miss their father at times but after the summer they had I am quite certain they are without a doubt stronger little boys. And maybe even more understanding of the changes I/we have made. Even better, why I made them. I am very thankful for the understanding and support my two little men have given and shown me over the past year. They are amazing!
I can not thank the friends and family that have stood behind me and supported me enough. I am forever grateful. My strength has wavered at times, although my determination definitely not, but my strength yes. And I am so thankful for those that know me enough to know that I was and am condifident in the life I now live. I am going to school, reaching my goals. I am raising my boys in a loving, stable, structured, stress free home. Surrounded by family and friends that love them unconditionally. I am in a relationship that does not include fear, control, intimidation or denying ones own self expressions and desires. Its extremely liberating! I feel so empowered.
I've had people comment on my strength recently but honestly I think I was always strong I just had my eyes set on the wrong goals. I needed to focus on goals that I could reach myself. It is impossible to reach a goal set with others when they have already abandoned the mission. When I came to this realization I had to reevaluate my life and head in a new direction or in my case return to abandoned dreams and try again. Thankfully the only thing lost was time. Full force ahead!