Friday, June 22

So Quiet

The boys have been gone since Wednesday evening. I know that’s not long at all but I’m having a hard time filling the void. The apartment is way to quiet! I picked up Thursday morning only to realize that it would continue to be clean unless I decided to change it back. Strange. I didn’t have to be up early but I was. I didn’t have to clean at 8 A.M. but I did. Its rather strange thinking that for over 11 years I have been waking up daily to take care of another human being that is completely reliant on me for their existence. Wow that is just crazy. I am so use to doing this that I wonder what people who do not have children do with their days. Its actually really lonely.

The night before the boys left Metalman and Q-tip made dinner together while Animal and I did his packing. Then we all ate nachos and hung out to watch Thor. We cuddled and just enjoyed being together. At bedtime I snuggled with the boys and told them how much I was going to miss them. We cried a bit together and then I made them promise they were going to have the best summer ever. They are going to look out for each other and call or text me whenever they need, want or miss home. I’m hoping the cards, letters and small gifts I send in the post every 4 days will continue to remind them how much everyone here misses and loves them. Their first card went out the day before they left so it should be in the post when they arrive at their Dads house.

Life continues on…I went to the grocery with Metalman last night and I was so lost as to what to purchase for food. I mean obviously there were the regular things one buys for sustenance but then there are all the other things that one buys “just for the kids‘”. Go-gurt, graham crackers, fruit snacks or whatever that I personally don’t eat but have on stalk almost all the time. It felt strange to not purchase these things. It felt strange to know that I would not be considering the wants or desires of my two little men when cooking over the next few weeks. Really? Not that I cater to them completely but I do consider them when choosing how or what to prepare.

When I was falling asleep last night I had a hard time not being able to hug and kiss them both good night. I had a hard time realizing that I hadn’t heard their little voices in over 24 hours. I’m having a hard time with that right now. I did get to talk to Q-tip this morning for a short time but Animal was still asleep. They were about to get back on the road and continue on their way. Any time Ive made this drive it has taken me less than a day and a half but that isn’t completely surprising. Their father can double any road trip with no effort at all. This could be a good or bad thing depending on your matter of opinion and the situation.

I am thankful it is Friday and that Metalman has a short day so that we can start the weekend. The weather doesn’t look like it will be nearly as nice as it has been but I still want to get out and do something. I need fresh air and exercise. I need a distraction! I need to stop worrying about my little men and whether they are ok. They are ok, right?! They will be comforted when they are scared? Lonely? Wanting me? Wanting to be home? Goodness me, I’m a wreck and they haven’t even been gone 48 hours! I miss my babies.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry you have to go through this...but I do think a few days/weeks of discomfort is better than 365 days a year. Being lonely is one of the hardest things to deal with, I wish we were closer so we could hang out!!! Hopefully things will be smoother in the weeks to come and it will fly by!